14 March 2013

Reading back old blog posts

I'm very glad that I've maintained this blog up until today, ever since I started it in late 2004, if I'm not mistaken.

Although the blog's title had changed a few times, but the URL still remains the same at phantomclf.blogspot.com (though temporarily acquired phantomclf.net domain at a time).

Nowadays I rarely check on Blogger.com, but lately while trying to check out another blog that I used to managed, decided to pay a "visit" to my personal blog again.

I actually wanted to write something about my childhood, some sort of self memoir or something, so recall and visualize again what my childhood looks like.

I had this idea for some time already, and I couldn't remember if I'd written something like that before, so decided to check the blog again.

I was trying to see if I've drafted something, but noticed there are quite a lot of unpublished posts, still saved as draft. Decided to peek into it, entries written in early 2006. It was from my high school days and boy, that was 6 years ago already!!

Not going to mention specific posts, but those early 2006 posts were sort of entertaining, at least for myself to read it back again after all these years. It's good that I was honest writing the post so that I can retrieve a certain degree of genuine response from myself.

As crude as the texts were written, I had no regrets on splashing all the details out, and how I'd react and make the next move.

Right now I'm kinda drifted away from my true self, ever since started college and then studying overseas, somehow the core will change to something else, whether I like it or not.

Perhaps I'm the type that prefers to dwell on the past, because until today I'd still agree to say that high school's time was probably one of the the best times of my life so far. Sure, lately I had splendid experiences elsewhere, but none of the effects are long-lasting.

But of course, back then the situation and circumstances were greatly different than today. I had nothing much to worry about other than school life.

I was more daring back then, perhaps because knowing that I have a cushion behind so that even if I fall, I won't fall hard. The so-called cushion is actually a mindset to self-console and self-recover.

Back then, I used to gave advices for friends who're seeking for it. You know, teenagers at the age of 16, 17 has lots of "problems" heh. I thought I was rational back then, trying to influence people with my not-so-pro-opinions. But glad that it helped for most friends. Sometimes the brain just needed to be tricked in order for one to feel better.

However, I noticed such cushion gradually fades away as I entered college. But it gets worse when I went to Japan.

I do admit that I was sort of cowardice, as back then I preferred to stay in the room facing the computer rather than joining friends outside. I should be thankful that it lasted not long, as ultimately I'm getting bored of staying in the room all the day and decided to explore outside more, in one of the long holidays at the end of 2009.

To briefly review my yearly timeline...

2006 - Form 5 in secondary school, having a great time in life and a major exam, SPM and the end of the year.

2008 - Enjoying life while studying A Levels in college, although the result was far from satisfying.

2010 - Started my university life in Japan. Was a rocky year but managed to pulled it off well.

2012 - 3rd year in the university, well-established and balancing life pretty smoothly.

2014 - ?

Now I wonder, what I'll become by 2014.
Will I finally start working? Or settle down in another new university to pursue post-grad course?
Will I still be in Japan, or back to Malaysia for good?

Alas, "Future can't be predicted, but can be created" .

I need to change my present self, to be as daring I used to be, to try out new stuffs. Lots of my current interests were credited to back then when I dared to discover new things, and this blog was one of the many interests. 

Soon, I'll be heading back to Japan. This time, finishing my final year in the university.
Unlike previous years, this year I may not be coming back to Malaysia during summer, so another 1 year gap before I'll return to this homeland again. 

But for now, I'm looking forward and excited on the opportunities lying ahead of me. Even though people keep saying the economy in Japan isn't doing well right now, but I still believe that there're still opportunities out there. 

It's been awhile since I last written a blog post at such familiar pace and setting. Hopefully I can write a few more this year, rather than the pathetic less-than-10-posts-a-year problem that this blog has suffered for some years. 

But I did take it as an indication that something was bothering me to such extent that I'm completely distracted from doing things I like such as writing blog here. 


  1. lol hi!
    thanks for supporting after all these years! :)