Hmm.... this is a topic I tried to avoid to talk about it with my family, as well as in this blog. I do wrote something bout it before in this blog, but the outcome wasnt that good.
For many years I've been thinking what kind of partner I need in life. You see, I've been alone for many times in life. Although I've a great family, but because the elders are busy with their works or studies so I can only spend a limited time with them. This leaves me to become a more quiet person, a lonely guy who's life is heavily rely on the Internet.
I like this quote from Jay Chou's song, "没人能说 没人可说 好难承受 荣耀的背后 刻著一道孤独". Roughly means, I cant tell anyone, I'm stressed, behind all the glory and fame, is a path of lonliness. This really speaks out my feeling.
Sure, Internet let me knew more friends in life. Some schoolmates I only can get to know them better on the net, but not in real life. Sometimes I do prefer having a conversation with certain people on the Net rather than in real life because I'm not so good in face-to-face conversation and I can easily get nervous for no reasons, which might let people think that I'm up to something or so.
I think this is a serious prob. You see, I wouldnt know the other person's feeling or expression just by chatting on the Net. Maybe the person can fake it? Or write some other stuff to distract me? I do not dare to engage in real life because I'm scare I'll leave a bad impression to the other. I guess no try, no gain right?
Sometimes I'll have the negative thoughts when I see friends around me getting their partners. Some are really compatible with each others, which I bless their relationship will last forever, but some I'll be jealous or look down on that person because I think they're "low class". Though this is just my feelings, but when I look back at myself, I'm still the single guy.
Personally, I prefer the partner that we've knew each other for quite some time. Say, friends since primary school? One of the reason is because I somehow can read the person's personality, and try the best way to approach the person. Well, failed all those so far. Hah....
Some friends told me it's a good chance to get a partner while in the National Service camp, but I do not trust that because most of the time they separate both gender trainees. I dunno, but maybe I can try? No matter what, I still prefer the person I'm familiar with.
I do not prefer strangers because I'll appears to be cool, quiet or shy to new people I've met. I'll only shows my playfulness & friendliness if I got to know that person a little better. As what I mentioned earlier, to me first impression is very important, and I do not want to bring disgrace to myself when firstly meet a person.
One of the main weakness I've is, whenever I've the feeling with a certain person, I just cant stop to tell others. This, annoys the person and I've destroyed my own plan by my silly weakness. I've been trying to overcome this though, to keep everything in secret that is.
Yes I do admit that I've been considering few person before, it's hard to make up my mind which one I should go after. I've doubts, because in my opinion they're the person I really like to have as my partner.
Currently, I'm planning to try to ask a person again, a question that I've asked during 2006 New Year. It's about 1 year since then, lots of things have happened. til now I still dunno what that person think about me, I guess I'll have to make my move then. I'll remember my buddy Yee Kai's advise, dont give up and try harder. I guess that's the factor I needed to accomplish it.
Next year 2007, I hope I wont be the single guy anymore, and so do in the future.....