Restless & Uneasy

It will be 2 more days before I depart to join the National Service. Now myself is having a problem, self-conflict. This isnt the 1st time I experience such situations, I usually would have this kind of feelings while I'm leaving or deciding for some matter that could alter my life.

So far I've consulted those friends who came back from 1st batch NS. Most of them gave me positive feedbacks, which make me feel confident with it. But then, there's still some negative sides that makes me wonder, why do I need to go mess with this kind of people and environment?

Although I've relative at Sabah, who could help me out if there's an emergency, although I'm still in Malaysia, just the matter that I'm separated from the capital across the South China Sea, although the council had promised to improve it's training qualities, I'm still doubtful with it.

The past few days I've been going out frequently to settle my documents, applications and so on before going NS this weekend. It's kinda rush, as I've to race with the time to finish up many things. This is the time when I feel that it'll be great if I could drive a car, no need to wait for the bus, no need to walk under the blazing sun...... Yea there's a spare car at home, but I dont have the driving licence to drive, oh well.

It seems, that my life is somehow bothered and disturbed when I realise that my days staying at home are numbered. When the countdown reaches zero, I'll be away from this haven for quite some time. Yeah, this is not the first time I leave my home for a period of time.

So far my longest record being away from home alone is the time when I went to Taiwan, back in Dec 2005. That time I didnt worried bout too much things, as I'm still able to online once in awhile over there, and I didnt need to train anything in military style.

This time going to NS is a different story. It will be a test for myself, for how well I can adapt the new places, the people and the training. I hope that nothing much can makes me fire up while I'm in the camp, I wouldnt be pleased to be bothered like that through out the entire camp.

Did I mention, that I'm likely to be alone going to the camp? Alone, means that I go there without knowing anyone, all of them are strangers, none of my friend are dispatched to the same camp as I'm going, I hope that I can meet with someone familiar over there.

Now that while preparing my stuffs, I not only have to worried bout myself, but others too. Something is bugging me, I barely can manage myself, and yet I still have to worried bout other's well-being too. Another burden I dont really expect to carried on, oh well. Hopefully things will come to it's end soon.

I hope writing this post can somehow ease off my tension before leaving for the NS. I'd mixed feelings now, my thoughts on NS is 50-50. We'll see what's the verdict, when I get back from there.

Oh btw, my serving period is from 18 March to 9 June, and I'm hopeful to come back to KL by mid-May, to continue my studies in college. I hope things will go well, as what I've wished all the time. 事事顺利！!